Humor: Why You Shouldn't Choose a Lame Dog Name

By Tamara L. Waters

Growing up, I had lots of dogs as pets, but it wasn't until I was 18 years old that I picked out my very first puppy of my own. He was a mixed-breed puppy, blond with a stripe of white on his forehead (see photo at left). I'll admit he was spoiled, and I named him Twinkie.

Yes, Twinkie. That’s right; I named the poor little guy after those delicious cream-filled sponge cake treats. Why did I name him Twinkie? My brother made the comment that he looked like a Twinkie due to his blond fur and the white stripe. My immature teenage mind thought “Awwww, Twinkie! That's such a cutesy wutesy wittle name for the puppy wuppy! *squeal*”

Looking back, I can see that my choice of name for this little guy doomed him to being the butt of every doggy joke, and friends and family alike viewed him as a frou-frou dog, even though he wasn't – all because of his name. He developed a little dog attitude that said to the world “Pamper me. I am the sweet Twinkie baby!”

Yeah, Twinkie wasn't exactly a good choice. My experiences with Twinkie are the perfect example of why a good name – and not a lame name – is important for a dog's self-esteem and behavior. After all, what self-respecting dog wants to be called Poopsy or Boopy?

The truth is, the name can make the dog. What would you think if one of those brave K-9 police dogs was named Puppy Wuppy, Cupcake or Twinkie? Mind you, these are all great names for cats, who couldn't care less about their name (well , except Puppy Wuppy; any cat worth his salt won't appreciate that, but they might let you live).

We choose names for our dogs based upon emotions, a sense of their personality and how we would like them to be perceived. If you have a guard dog, Fluffy may not be the best choice (unless you have a bizarre sense of humor and enjoy a good oxymoron or juxtaposition).

Why is it important for your dog's sense of self-worth to have a name that doesn't rate high on the lameness scale? Sure, all the experts insist that dogs only recognize repetition of sounds, words and phrases and don't actually understand. What if they did understand what you were saying though? Imagine the doggy conversation that would go on!

“Hey, get a load of Puffy there! Look, it's Puffy Snuffy Wuffy in his cute wittle collar!” Yeah, being bullied is never pretty and in the pack world of your dog, being called Snooki can be equal to a 12 year old wearing the Sesame Street sweater his grandmother made to gym class. You get the picture.

If you love your dog, be a responsible pet owner. When you choose a name for your dog, start by making a list of the lamest names you can think of. You know, the names that make you roll your eyes and snicker. Write them all down. Ask friends and family to help you come up with the lamest dog names they can think of. Add them to your lame list.

Then for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT choose a name from this list! Don't even choose a name that's not on the list but sounds like a name on the list. Steer clear. Avoid any association with these lame names like you avoid an angry skunk because just like skunk spray, a lame dog name sticks with you and causes you to make an ugly face. You know the face – where you scrunch up your whole face and it's obvious that something really stinks? Just don't do it!

Instead, choose a great name for your dog that will stand the test of time. Your dog will thank you. I am spreading the word in memory of my Twinkie, who deserved a name like Puddles, or Itty Bitty…or maybe Pooter.

Photo: Twinkie

Read more articles by Tamara L. Waters

How to Pick the Perfect Name for Your New Pet

By Julia Williams

Adding a new four-legged friend to your family is such a joy. You’ve chosen “the one,” and now it’s time to have some fun naming your new dog or cat. There is no wrong or right way to name your pet, so you needn’t stress out over what to call them. As long as you provide your pet with what they need to be healthy and happy, they’ll love you no matter what name you choose.

If you prefer unique dog names over traditional dog names like Buddy, Rover or Max, that’s your prerogative. If classic cat names like Fluffy, Princess or Tiger seem to suit your new feline friend better than the latest “it” cat names, so be it. There are literally millions of potential names for your dog or cat. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Pet names based on physical characteristics

This is perhaps the easiest way to name your pet. Names like Bear, Bruno, Hercules, Hulk, Samson, Sumo, Tank and Titan are perfect for big dogs. Some good names for small dog breeds are Ant, Baby, Cupcake, Dinky, Midget, Nipper, Pixie, Squirt, and Tiny. Colors are also popular ways to name pets. For black cats, consider Midnight, Onyx, Shadow or Smokey. Pets with white fur could be called Casper, Coconut, Marshmallow, Pearl, Snowball or Snowflake. Calico cats lend themselves to names like Callie, Patches and Rainbow.

Pet names based on personality

Some good names in this category include Bashful, Blossom, Boss, Butch, Fang, Gypsy, Honey, Mischief, Rascal, Rowdy, Snuggles and Wiggles.

Pet names based on plants and flowers
Names in this category are quite popular, and not just with people who love to garden. Some of the more common pet names based on plants and flowers include Buttercup, Daisy, Fern, Flora, Holly, Iris, Ivy, Juniper, Lilac, Lily, Lotus, Petals, Petunia, Poppy, Rose, Sweet Pea, Tulip and Violet.

Pet names based on food

One of my favorite food-related pet names is Pepper. Growing up, my family had a black-and-white cat named Pepper. During dinner, invariably someone would say “Please pass the pepper,” and one of us would say “Pepper? What’s he doing on the table?” or something similar. Amazingly, the joke never got old. However, my older brothers used to annoy me (on purpose) by referring to Pepper as Salt; I was not amused.

If you have a sweet tooth, you could name your pet after your favorite snack, such as: Brownie, Cadbury, Caesar, Cookie, Cupcake, Hershey, Kit Kat, Lollipop, Muffin, Oreo, Skittles, Snickers, Sugar, Taffy and Twinkie. Other popular pet names based on food products include Chiquita, Ginger, Kiwi, Marmalade, Nacho, Olive, Peaches, Peanut, Pickles, Pumpkin, Taco and Tater. Your favorite beverage could also inspire a fun pet name, such as: Bailey, Brandy, Chianti, Cider, Coffee, Corona, Macchiato, Mocha, Pepsi, Sake, Sprite and Soda.

Pet names based on pop culture

TV, movie and cartoon characters always make good names. Consider Bam Bam, Bingo, Bogart, Brinkley, Buffy, Duke, Gidget, Keiko, Mario, Maverick, Miley, Scarlett, Spencer, Tootsie, Xena and Yoda.

Disney fans might want to name their pet Ariel, Baloo, Bambi, Belle, Fantasia, Gepetto, Merlin, Mowgli, Nemo, Piglet, Pluto, Pongo, Tigger, Thumper or Woody. Bonnie and Clyde is cute if you're adopting both a female and a male. If you're into fashion, you might like Armani, Calvin, Coco, Chanel, Juicy or Polo.

Things to consider when naming your pet:

● Don't feel pressured to name your new pet right away. Give them some time to adjust to their new surroundings, so their true personality can shine.
● Names should ideally be no more than two syllables. If you already have other pets, the names shouldn’t be similar, to avoid confusion.
● Choose a name that can’t be confused with commands or words your pet understands, such as Dawn (down), Pete (treat), Kit and Sid (sit).
● You’ve probably heard the classic story about the guy who got into all kinds of trouble because he named his dog “Sex.” Choose a name you’re not embarrassed to call out loud, such as at the dog park, or when you need to look for a lost pet or call your outdoor cat to come in for dinner.
● If several names appeal to you but you can't decide which one you prefer, you can “try them on for size.” Use each for a day or two, then select the one that seems to fit your pet best.
● You will use your pet’s name dozens of times every day, so make sure you can live with your choice.

Remember, there are no hard-and-fast rules to naming your pet. Just enjoy the process, and you’re sure to discover the perfect name for your new best friend!

Read more articles by Julia Williams

What Should I Name My New Dog?

By Anna Lee

If you are searching for a name for a new puppy, or even an older dog that you just adopted, here are the top favorite names from the last few years, along with some pet specific names. Naming a dog is personal choice but the following lists will give you some ideas. When choosing a good name for a dog, you have to remember an easy rule, ‘two syllables only’ as it is easier for a puppy to comprehend “Annie” compared to “Mistymavenofgreenfieldsgalore.”

Let’s start with some good names for a female dog: Molly, Maggie, Daisy, Sadie, Ginger, Chloe, Bailey, Sophie, Zoe, Princess, Bella, Angel, Lady, Sasha, Abby, Roxy, Missy, Brandy, Coco, Annie, Katie, Sammy, Casey, Gracie, Rosie, Misty, Emma, Sandy and Heidi.

Good names for a male dog include: Max, Buddy, Jake, Rocky, Bailey, Buster, Cody, Charlie, Bear, Jack, Toby, Duke, Lucky, Sam, Harley, Shadow, Rusty, Murphy, Sammy, Zeus, Riley, Oscar, Winston, Casey, Tucker, Teddy, Gizmo, Samson, Oliver, Rex and Bandit.

If you have a brown dog, how about naming them Hershey, Coco, Swiss Miss or Coffee? Some good names for a black dog are Onyx, Raven, Licorice or Tar. For a yellow dog, Sunshine, Butter Cup, Honey and Goldie are all excellent names.

For a hunting dog, why not Shell, Buckshot, Buck, Trigger, Wade, Colt or Browning? A few good names for a small dog are Gizmo, Pixie, Pookie, Tiny and Teenie. If you have a large male dog, consider Brutus, Bubba, Titus, Rocky, Winston and Wolfie.

If you are a Country Western fan, the names Wrangler, George, Stetson, AJ, LeAnn, Toby and Willie are all great choices. What football fan wouldn’t like the name Colt, Bear, Titan, Saint or Jet? Perhaps you are a gardener? Why not name your dog Rose, Tulip, Clover, Daisy, Shasta or Lilly?

Some good dog names that may fit your personality or your dog’s personality would be Star, Sky, Candy, Sugar, Jazzie, Rhett, Digger, Puff, Wizard, Sparkles or Zesty.

When I was young my parents had friends who had four girls. When I got married I thought if I ever had a baby girl I would name it after one of their girls, Andrea, and call her Andy for short. Life took a different turn and I never did have any children. When I got my current dog I thought about naming her Andy. Somehow it didn’t seem right to give her that name, the name I would have given to a daughter. My husband’s first name starts with an “A”, as well as mine, so I knew I wanted an “A” name. I picked Abby, and it suits her just fine. Her full name is, “Abby move out of my way please, thank you.”

When you get a new dog I’m sure you will pick the right name for them, because there is really no wrong name! The above dog names are just some ideas to get you started. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Read more articles by Anna Lee